I find out soon.. Very soon.. Less than 16 hours to be exact.
I don’t really know how to describe this feeling that I have… Its like end of the high school version game of life and you find out how you did at the end. Yeah this is pretty much the end.
Maybe I been playing that stupid game too much lately, this isn’t a end.. Its a beginning, like Priscilla said, wherever I end up, its for a reason…
I wish my heart can understand that, it has been beating a little too fast for a while now. So what if I got rejected? Well… I’ll be sad. Sad that my academics aren’t approved and sad that I can’t give my parents something to brag about. I’ll feel somewhat shameful.. People had expectation, and its the pressure to succeed that will sink the boat. I don’t want to be a sinking boat. I didn’t try so hard for 4 years for nothing. I need the approval, then even if I go to an art school people wouldn’t say oh she took the easy way out. It wasn’t easy. I need to prove it. It wasn’t easy. It still isn’t easy… What people say/ think doesn’t matter? Yeah right. Since when is that ever the case.
Well, none of these really matters anyways. The decision is probably locked in the system already… I’ll find out soon.. Very soon, maybe I’m not as great as I though I am all along. Maybe my what I thought to be successful hs career is nothing at all..
I need to stop freaking out.. I need to sleep..
March 2011
4 posts
电影是淡淡的
诉说著一段又一段的关系
我们面对一段过去的感情
抱著什麼心态？
对於分了手的恋人
还可以做朋友吗？
看是谁吧~
他仍然爱她
她也是
分手的原因没有说明
回忆裡，争执总是比甜蜜多
偏偏，这个人是我们捨不得的
记忆中你是横蛮霸道的
记忆裡的你总是在发脾气
可是，那个你才是最怀念的
拥有时，我们说，身边那个总不是最喜欢的
失去后，我们才明白最喜欢的一个已不在身边
喜欢的不是得不到
而是不懂得
一生中有很多人出现
就算最喜欢的失去了
我们还是会去找另一个喜欢的
人嘛，矛盾
无情，却不会忘情
放手让你走
只是因為发现不再爱你了
就好像最后的那只杯子，（喜欢那个漏水的塑料杯长镜头特写，）
即使换了塑胶的，即使摔不坏了，但是有了裂痕，水一样会漏。
有些感情，不论当初多刻骨铭心，
不论当初爱的多歇斯底里，痛彻心扉，
不论当年的他在你身上留下了多少难以磨灭的印记，
不论他带给你的成长有多少，但是有些东西，
一旦产生裂痕就再也回不去了。
其实如果换一种角度来想想，
再次面对分开多年的前度，
我们心中的那一丝悸动，
是否真的就是那曾经天雷勾动地火的爱情又再次死灰复燃的感觉。
我的回忆有你，而回忆总是太让人魂牵梦绕，不是么。 、
我们都曾遇到过那么一个人，我在你的怀抱中成长，
我的倔强，我的偏执，我的任性，我的无理取闹，我的不可理喻，全都融化在了你的怀里。
是你让我变得坚强，是你让我懂得一个人也能过得很好。
是你，因为你，我把拥有你的回忆变成了我的习惯，当做生命中拥有你的证据。
但是，当我变得成熟，当我开始懂得如何去爱时，你却走了。
于是，我只能小心翼翼收藏起你我的回忆，把我们的故事提炼成点点滴滴，带进我以后的生活。
当我们多年后再次遇到当年那个怀抱着我们让我们成长的人时，
任何一个爱过伤过痛过的人，都不可能表现的无动于衷。
只是，有多少人真的是觉得，兜兜转转了一大圈，
发现，最懂我的人其实还是你，在没有你的这些日子里，
我的生活总觉得缺了些什么，而直到再次遇见你，我才恍然大悟，原来我的生命缺少的只是一个你。
最后借用一句话，前度，感谢你来过，让我抓住更好的现在❤
其实，我爱的不是你，是过去的自己。
4 years later, it’s still the same old… I struggled so long to find the right words to say, only to find myself kicking and screaming like I always did in the end. And here I am thinking that 18 actually mean something… I’m so frustrated. Trust, is that so hard? People wonder why we lie, ha just watch Pretty Little Liars and you would know. A really though out lie is (almost) always better than the truth.
Love… Is so abstract, it comes in all forms and it’s different for everyone. Love for the opposite sex.. Love for a hobby, career, or subject.. Love for family, love for friends, love for pets. It’s love that unit us together drive us forward, and it’s love that tear us apart, and eat us inside out.
Who’s to blame?
lack of sleep if finally catching up to me. i can’t focus on anything all day, can’t remember TONS of stuff that i was supposed to do… like getting our sculpture from William’s, like going to Home Depot, like calling in at work… omg, i even almost drove pass Houston because i wasn’t paying attention to the road…
why did i do this to my self, right before spring break too! sigh. i wasn’t even studying for my finals. and i think i’m going to get my first B in all 4 years of high school. awesomeee. not really, i hope ranking is sealed, so i can still graduate as top 10 - if not i will HATE myself. like seriously.
well i haven’t discussed my life in a while. it’s been disappointing to say the least. i pretty much fail at everything now. to start off, i got rejected by VASE, for the first time in all 4 years. hah! like wow, i don’t even know what to sayy. then we got alternate for DECA, yip. AGAIN. not going to lie, that hit me pretty hard. i hid in a private meeting room and cried ha ha ha.. then i got a 56 on calculus test, then i got a 82 on literature test. almost ran over someone today. oh and people hate me because my phone can’t properly receive msg from fb and they think i’m constantly ignoring them.
but life really isn’t bad, on the bright side, i got accepted to ut business (apparently hard to get in? idk), otis, scad with 20k per year scholarship. none of these really make me excited though, three more weeks till the… well, exciting and more unpredictable decisions. ONLY THREE WEEKS NOW. no worries i’ll let you know the results. and… right, bright side. got selected to Bayou City Art Festival againn <3 last year was great fun, so will this year :) working extra hard to finish those sculptures! it’s week after spring break, can’t wait! Umm then there’s Rodeo, haha that was my first time and ahhh so much fun, someone go with me again (if the weather is nice)? thennnn there’s the senior show coming up as well. i wasn’t really sure that i should have gotten the spot, A and Em i can predict… well idk, oh well. but but i’m going to try really hard to put on a good show which mean i have to paint during spring break… and make dresses, OH prom! i probably have to goto 2, K’s and mine. for mine i know i will wear a long dress but idk bout his, def different dresses though, we’ll see i guess. still have time… there so many exciting things coming up! like, well prom <3 and CIRQUE DU SOLEIL! i think i’m going to buy tickets and take mommy and daddy to see it :) like a graduation gift i gave them? haha idk i think it’s going to be a great experience, a bit expensive but whatevs, i got moneyyyyyyy $$$ ;)
I have to go soon, leaving the house. so tired. idk why i’m doing this to my self, i still have to wake up and go to hosuton tomorrow too. sigh. i’m brain dead, i don’t think i should drive. OMFG what is going on with the gas prices!? but more importantly OMFG the earthquake in japan! :( i hope all of you’s family and friends in japan are okay… disasters happen but it is these moments that make people grow closer. what worries me is the nuclear plant, they say they lost control over it… uhhh what does that mean? personally, i think if there’s a nuclear leak the consequences will equal to if not exceed that of the tsunami, immediate and long term :( is it because 2012 is getting closer now? and ok just to be clear, i don’t believe that world as we know it will end in 2012, no, but i do believe a series of unfortunate natural disasters will happen, some of us will survive, some of will die, that’s just what i think.
i really have to go now! spring break timeee! i need to hangout with bunch of ppl, and do makeup work, shop, paint, sew, kayaking!, sing, eat, diet, beach, swim…. etc etc. it’lll beee sooo funnnnn. OH i met someone, well idk if its anything yet but hehe, right before spring break. hmm sounds familiar? :p i shall discuss later.
byebye xo
